The Bar
“Get me another one, Bottle Wottle,” Ditzy Doo said as she stared at the empty glass. “I need to forget today.”
“Another day of being called 'Derpy Hooves', Ditzy?” Bottle Wottle, a blue unicorn with a red vest, and a wine-glass Cutie Mark, asked. He then levitated a bottle of wine over to the glass and poured it full with wine.
“Yeah... And I dropped a lot of crap today. Again. In front of the boss.” Ditzy said before drinking the whole glass in a single gulp. “All because of this lazy eye of mine, I get called retarded, have problems seeing properly, get called a stupid nickname, have problems looking like a good worker, and can never have a moment alone unnoticed, because there's always be a pony or more that'll pick me out for no reason and go 'there's Derpy Hooves! Let's take multiple pictures of her and circle her in those pictures!'”
“Why don't you go see a doctor?” Bottle Wottle asked as he poured more wine into the glass.
“Because there's no doctors in Ponyville! Just those two nurses, and Doctor Whoof, who isn't even a medical doctor! He's like a nuclear engineer or something!” Ditzy Doo said before consuming all of the wine again. “What can a nuclear engineer even do in Ponyville?”
“Nothing.” A brown colt muttered as he sat on a stool next to Ditzy Doo. “Don't even know why my father made me go to college to become one, when my Cutie Mark was of a hourglass, and I wanted to be a watch-pony just like him.”
“I'm sorry about yelling about you,” Ditzy Doo said holding her head with her hooves.
“I'm okay with it. Better than ponies constantly insisting that I'm a time-traveler just because of my Cutie Mark and my doctorate. It doesn't even make sense to me. Not to mention, I have to do a variety of odd jobs since I can do nothing with my doctorate here. Always a day filled with stupid gossip and undignified work.”
“What'll be Doc,” Bottle Wottle asked.
“Whatever it is Ditzy is having.” Doctor Whoof said before turning to Ditzy. “I do have some good news though.”
“What would that be?” Ditzy asked, her lazy eye starting to spin faster and faster.
“I finally got a job offering in Fillydelphia.” Doctor Whoof said.
“Really?” Ditzy asked.
“Yeah. As a cab driver.” Doctor Whoof answered.
They both laughed. They then both drunk their glasses empty. They then both laughed again.
Doctor Whoof stopped laughing when he noticed a green unicorn sitting next to her. “Evening, Lyra. How was your day?”
“Bon-Bon keeps on trying to get me fat. Vinyl Scratch keeps on thinking that scratching discs makes her a musician, so she won't leave me, Blues, and Medley alone when we're trying to practice, insisting that she would improve our 'band'. Oh, and when I go back home, Bon-Bon is there with all these apples, and she tries to force me to eat them, so I just went here.” Lyra said as Bottle Wottle levitated a glass of wine onto the counter in front of her.
“Got called any nicknames? Dropped any objects on ponies below you? Have ponies believe you're a time traveler?” Ditzy Doo asked.
“No,” Lyra responded.
“Doesn't sound like it was that bad,” Ditzy Doo said.
“I suppose so,” Lyra said as she took a sip of her wine. Instantly her eyes bulged and she spat out the wine. “What is this crap?”
“High fat wine, as paid for by Bon-Bon.” Bottle Wottle answered.
Lyra looked at the glass of wine before crying. “...Get her whatever it is me and Ditzy are having, and just place it on my tab,” Doctor Whoof said before he began rubbing Lyra's back. “I'm sorry about things being this way, but I'm sure Bon-Bon really does love you for who you are. She's probably just going through a phase. Just cheer up and enjoy the night with us.”
So the three ponies drank for a time until a fourth joined them. “Oh, hi Berry Punch,” Doctor Whoof said to the purple pony that sat by them. “How are you and your family doing?”
“Ponies keep calling me OPPP,” Berry Punch responded, “and I'm getting tired of it.”
“Mop?” Ditzy asked.
“No, OPPP. Overly Protective Parent Pony. All because I want to make sure my little girl is safe, and I get mocked for it.” Berry Punch answered.
“Sorry to hear that,” Doctor Whoof answered. “But you know almost nothing bad ever happens here in Ponyville, so maybe it would be okay to loosen up some.”
“That's a lie and you know it!” Berry Punch replied. “Parasprites, giant bears, dragons, falling trees, running masses of animals, the list just goes on and on! You never know what'll happen next, and I want to keep my daughter safe in this dangerous place. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Uh... No.” Doctor Whoof said.
“Celestia-damn Apple family.” An angry filly voice said outside of the bar.
“Honey, could you please calm down... Can't we just have a nice evening drinking?” A colt voice asked.
“So you don't want me thinking about how we're going to survive!?” The filly responded.
“Looks like the Cherries are here.” Ditzy commented.
“No.. Just..” The colt tried to speak back.
“Well that's what you're doing!” The filly shouted back.
“No, that's not what I'm saying at all.” The colt spoke. “I'm saying that we should just take this evening easy. We managed to have our first major profit in three months today, and I think it's an opportunity to be happy. Now why don't we just take it, and worry about our daily problems during the day?”
A neon pink filly and a brown colt entered the bar, both with a pair of cherries for cutie marks. “Evening everypony,” the brown colt greeted.
“Evening, Cherry Coke,” Doctor Whoof greeted back, “evening, Cheery. How was your day?”
“First time we managed to break profit in five months!” Cherry Coke shouted with a smile. “I think that earns a celebration.”
Doctor Whoof looked around at the other patrons of the bar. Ditzy was in her own mind thinking with a taste of bitter than shinned in her eyes. Lyra was still crying, not even taking a look at the new glass of wine in front of her. Berry Punch was going through papers and lists and books that she saw as necessary for her child to be safe. Taking a moment to laugh, Doctor Whoof said, “celebration is certain something we need tonight. I got something of mine own to celebrate also.”
“What's that?” Cherry Coke asked as he and his wife took a seat.
“I got a job offering in Fillydelphia.” Doctor Whoof said.
“Really?” Cherry Coke asked.
“Yep, as a cab driver.”
All of the friends at the counter once again laughed, except Lyra, who stopped crying and lifted her head. “I don't get it,” she muttered.
“Well you see, I'm a nuclear engineer, and although being able to drive one of the few automobiles in existence requires great knowledge, expertise, and a doctorate, I got a doctorate in the wrong field.” Doctor Whoof explained.
Lyra turned her head. “I still don't get it.”
“It isn't suppose to be one of those things you get,” Doctor Whoof smiled. “It's one of those things that life gives you anyway though.”
“But why did everyone laugh?” Lyra asked.
“Because we're all trapped in miserables lives that we wished we could start over, but will never have the ability to do so,” Ditzy said. “We just take any opportunity we can to forget about life, even if it's laughing about it itself.”
“OH!” Berry Punch suddenly shouted.
“You just now got a joke you laughed at?” Ditzy asked.
“No! I just determined what the healthiest food sold in Ponyville is!” Berry Punch replied.
The eyes of the cherries opened wide. “What is it? What is it? What is it?” Cherry asked over and over again.
“It's...” Berry Punch was hesitant due to the look on Cherry. “Dolphin.”
Lyra resumed crying and Doctor Whoof ran to a trash can to hurl. “But.. doesn't only Seafoam sale and eat dolphin?” Cherry Coke asked.
“Why yes,” Berry Punch answered, “but she's also as old as the mayor and old Smith down at the apple acres, but she looks extraordinarily young. That must be because of her diet consisting only of dolphin and sealife.”
“Which is disgusting!” Doctor Whoof yelled. “I don't care if it leads to long healthy lives. The idea of eating another creature, dead or otherwise, is vile and disturbing!”
“Yes.. yes it is.” Cherry added. “But what is the healthiest food grown and sold in Ponyville, Berry Punch?”
“Dolph-” Berry Punch began to answer.
Cherry Coke ran over to the trash can to hurl, reminded of a certain unicorn's hobby of growing pet dolphins only to eat them.
“No I mean like grown on a farm or in a garden! Like fruits or vegetables!” Cherry interrupted.
“Oh, well that would be apples. With bananas in a close second, and cherries in third.” Berry Punch answered.
“Celestia-damn Apple Fami-” Cherry paused in her cursing. “WHO EATS BANANAS!?”
Ditzy rose a hoof. “They're pretty good in muffins. Also Berry Punch, you forgot about the blue and black berries that you and your daughter grow.”
“But Ditzy, those aren't for sa-” Berry Punch stopped talking when she noticed a smile on Ditzy's face.
“They aren't for sale by you.” Ditzy said.
“But I keep my eyes on her whenever she isn't asleep or at school!” Berry Punch shouted.
“Well, you should probably see what your daughter takes outside of the house, not what she takes in.” Ditzy laughed.
“Hey, it's 11 PM!” Doctor Whoof shouted with a smile. “That means you-know-who should be here any minute!”
Lyra stopped crying and allowed for a smile to grow on her face. Ditzy placed her wine away from her, and also started to smile. Berry Punch placed her papers away, placed a small anti-anxiety flower petal in her mouth, and started to smile. Smiles were all around in the room.
A moment later, a crying Princess Celestia entered. “I'm not a tyrant! I'm not a tyrant!” She shouted while letting her knees drop to the floor.
“There, there,” Doctor Whoof said as he patted her on the back. “Shhhh... It's okay.” Celestia stopped crying. “You are who you want to be here, and we're your friends here. So just relax and have a couple of drinks, okay?” Celestia turned and saw a smiling Doctor Whoof. Smiling back, she used her horn to levitate her crown off of herself, transforming her into a smaller winged unicorn.
“Thank you.” Celestia said. “Thank you, all of you.”
“It's no problem, Sunny,” Cherry referred to the new form of Celestia. “We're all here for each other. Even when it seems like everypony else is after us, we still have this bar.”
“I know,” Sunny said, a tear dropping from her eye. “It's just all these letters I get, blaming me for all these things that happen. They call me manipulative, a dictator, a hate-monger... The... the... b-word.”
“They only do that because they don't know the real you,” Ditzy said. “They don't know of the good drinking buddy, of the filly that would sooner let herself break instead of Humpty Dumpty, but can't due to her own responsibilities. They simply see you as a figurehead that all of their blame can be placed on. A villain that they can write stories about; a monster that would raise a child to kill her own friends if it would mean more power for herself. Well all those stories are lies. And we all get lies told about us.”
“But we know who you are, Sunny,” Lyra smiled. “And you know who we are. Maybe that won't be strong enough to break against those waves and waves and waves of attacks and slanders...”
“But it's strong enough for us to stand together and survive,” Berry Punch added on.
“Even though there may be occasions where we argue against each other..” Cherry Coke looked at his wife while he said this.
“We always get back together,” Cherry smiled at her husband.
“You see Sunny, no matter how dark things get...” Doctor Whoof said before a green robot suddenly crashed into the bar and started slitting the neck of every living creature in there with a knife even though it has a gun with a smile. “There will always be a light from a special magic... The magic of friendship.”
Sunny smiled at her friends, even when she could hear in the distant background a voice yelling, “I can almost hear the hounds!” knowing all would be well.
The Bar 2
“E'yup,” Big Mac said after chugging a can of beer. He didn't in particular care about what he was responding to, which was some story that The Mayor was telling about her and Big Mac's grandma in their youth.
“So what did me and Apple Smith do? We decided that we would do a fundraiser to help support the boys off in that far away land! Of course, we were only around the age of Applejack and her friends, so we might've of been going in over our heads... But I think we were successful.” The Mayor continued on and on, unaware that Big Mac was ignoring her. “Anyway, I got to get home, since there's an important meeting in the morning. Have to talk to a relative about what I should wear for...”
Big Mac stared off at the clock on the wall. It was 10 PM. Grabbing another can of bear, he opened it and began drinking, paying light attention to the words of the old mare only because of the fact that his grandmother and her have such a good friendship, and being friends with the mayor can lead to some benefits of itself.
It was 10:20 when The Mayor finally left the bar. “Finally,” Big Mac muttered as he walked over to a jukebox and tossed a coin into it. As the sound of rockabilly music started to flow through the bar, Big Mac put on a cowboy hat, and placed a fern (or whatever they're called) in his mouth. Heading back to the counter he was sitting at, he continued drinking beer.
At 10:29, Big Mac heard music he had not listened to since his college years. “Yo, BM! Been a while, hasn't it?” A colt said.
Big Mac ate the fern that had hung out of his mouth. “Dadgumit,” he whispered to himself. A moment later he felt a pat on the back, and he turned to see the colt that had done it.
“You remember me, don't ya? It's me, your pal Ace!” Big Mac stared at the pony with muttonchops and shorts, trying his hardest to keep the stare neutral. “You're sort of creeping me out with that stare...”
“Oh,” Big Mac muttered as he tried to look to the left. “Sorry, must've forgotten for a moment. You know how it is while drinking.”
“Well, yeah. But still, you forgot me, Ace, your wingman!” Ace shouted.
“My... wingman?” Big Mac asked.
“Yeah, don't you remember me helping you get with Cheerlie at that one party?” Ace asked.
“Uh... Not really.” Big Mac said.
“Well I did. Speaking of which, how are you and Cheerlie these days?” Ace asked.
“She's my sister's teacher.” Big Mac answered.
“Yeah, well I bet there's some things you can teach her!” Ace said before laughing. Big Mac swallowed his sigh out of courtesy. “But anyway, you two aren't dating or anything?”
“Nope. Never was,” Big Mac answered, “probably never will.”
“Heh,” Ace smiled, “well that just leaves her open for me. She's gonna be a test I'm gonna Ace!” Ace once again laugh. Big Mac turned his eyes downward, unpleased by this conversation.
There soon appeared a smile, however, on Big Mac's face as he heard a filly's voice. “Hi Big Mac, how was your day?” Big Mac turned to see who had said it.
“Hello Carrot Top, it was mighty good.” Big Mac answered as he looked at the orange-hair yellow pony.
“Hey BM,” Ace said as he tapped Big Mac on the shoulder. “Who's this broad? Your gal?”
Big Mac ignored the questions and walked towards Carrot Top. “How was your day?” He asked her.
“Oh, it was alright. Although I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me with something real quick. I know it's almost 11 and all, but I could really use your help.” Carrot Top said.
“Why shoot, just tell me, and I'll help.” Big Mac replied.
“Well... Uh... I think the best way to do this would be for me to show you what it is first...” Carrot Top responded. “I think Van Horse has been using those cursed paints again, and they sort of get into the soil...”
“Oh hey, Van Horse!” Ace shouted. “I remember that dude. I'm pretty sure he was gay though, since even when he had hundred of fillies around him, the guy would just focus on his painting.”
Carrot Top slowly moved the focus of her eyes over to Ace. She stopped however, when she noticed that Big Mac was rapidly moving the focus of his eyes left and right, his way of politely telling somepony 'Hell No!'. “But yeah, I'll go and show you what happened to the carrots I grew... They're sort of.. Well, you'll see.”
As Big Mac and Carrot Top began to leave, Ace ran after them. “Hey BM, you're gonna come back soon, right?”
“Uh... Well, it's getting sort of late, and I need to make sure my family is okay,” Big Mac answered. “But I'll try... See you around Ace.” Big Mac and Carrot Top then left.
“Yeah,” Ace muttered as he walked towards the counter of the bar, “see you around... BM.”
“So... Who is that colt, and why does he smell of heavy alcohol?” Carrot Top asked when she and Big Mac were outside.
Big Mac sighed. “Somepony that was my roommate during my last year of college at Coltsburg U.”
“Wait, you went to Coltsburg?” A look of disgust appeared on Carrot Top's face. “And you were planning to keep this a secret from me how long?”
“Listen, it was on a scholarship, an-” Big Mac tried explaining.
“What type of scholarship?” Carrot Top interrupted.
“...Athletics...” Big Mac muttered.
“Be more specific,” Carrot Top said.”What sport?”
“Well...” Big Mac sighed again. “Hoofball.”
Carrot Top's eyes came close to flying out of their sockets. “You were a hoofball player at Coltsburg U? Did you never notice all the Tailton U merchandise in my house?”
“I did... Just I thought it would be okay to let those old times go. I mean, it's not like ol' number 29 caused any injury to those around you.” Big Mac said trying to calm down Carrot Top.
Carrot Top stared at Big Mac for a few moment. “Were you number 29 at the 58 to 43 game between Coltsburg and Tailton?”
Big Mac stared back for a moment. “E...yup...”
Carrot Top began twitching in the eye. “Tell me, do you remember 19 from Tailton? The colt sent to the emergency room, needed large amounts of surgery, and is no longer able to play for the rest of his life?”
There was a few minutes of pure silence.
“And all because of you.” Carrot Top added.
Big Mac tried to say something, “Uh.. Um... S-sor...”
“He was my brother.” Carrot Top stated.
“Oh Lord. I'm sorry Carrot Top, I honestly had no idea about any of this. I mean, I felt bad and all, and it was a complete accident, an-”
“We both forgave you,” Carrot Top smiled.
“Wait... Why?” Big Mac was confused.
“Because that was what it was. An accident. Besides, my brother was able to recuperate. He might not be able to play the game, but he's able to coach it.” Carrot Top said.
“Wait... Your brother is the Coach Top?” Big Mac asked.
Carrot Top smiled at him before saying, “E'yup.”
“Wow... Oh, about those carrots! Exactly how big are they?” Big Mac asked, trying to get off of a now settled-subject.
“Well, remember that one big apple you entered into that country fair contest, where it won largest size?” Carrot Top asked.
“E'yup.” Big Mac replied with a prideful smile.
“Well, they're about twice the size of that.” Carrot Top said.
Big Mac's smile disappeared. “Uh... Listen, Carrot Top... I hurt my back recently, and I don't know if we'll be able to do that by ourselves...”
“Then go get your friend,” Carrot Top replied.
“Ace? I don't think you would want to deal with him... He's rather...” Big Mac hesitated trying to find an appropriate word.
“We can deal with it. Besides, it should only take half an hour.”
“Yeah,” Big Mac said, “but he's probably drunk.”
“And how do I not know you're probably drunk?” Carrot Top asked. “How many cans of beer have you had tonight?”
Big Mac sighed. “Fine, I'll go get him,” and he went back into the bar.
Ace had drank a can or two or more of beer. “Ace?” Ace turned around and saw Big Mac at the door. “Hey Ace, you wouldn't mind helping me move some giant carrots, would you?”
Ace smiled. “No problem at all, BM.”
That process turned out as well as two drunk ponies and one non-drunk pony moving giant cursed carrots could possibly turn out.
“Thank you, both of you, for your help.” Carrot Top said.
“No problem,” Ace said.
“E'yup,” Big Mac catch-phrased, “now why don't we all go celebrate with some good old cans of beer? I'll pay.”
The Bar 3
“So why don't we go recruit that one pink pony that can play all those instruments?” Medley asked the other two ponies as they sat together at a bar booth. Their replies were silent stares back at the turquoise pegasus. “What? It's not like she's a bad musician.”
“Uh... Medley...” Blues the blue pony began to spoke. “Just because she somehow managed to march with all those instruments doesn't mean she's a good musician. Besides, don't you remember that one performance where she and her friends had front row seats?”
Medley rose a hoof to her chin before her pupils lost their focus. “Oh yeah...” Medley mummer. “That's the one in which we were able to keep a song going properly due to her singing out loud, right? But I'm sure she's good on stage.”
“If she doesn't have discipline in the audience,” Blues retorted, “then she definitely won't have discipline on the stage.”
“But she obviously has a lot of musical talent. What do you think Lyra?” Medley turned her attention to the mint unicorn.
“Um... Well... She's good, but... Her singing... Well, her singing... is rather... bad.” Lyra replied. “And didn't we want to get a singer?”
“Hmm...” Medley replied. “I guess. We could get her white unicorn friend though.”
Blues face distorted itself into a frown which was a mix of pure disgust and a desire to die there and then so he would at least die with honor. Lyra tightened her lips as she stared at Medley and shook her head.
“Oh yeah... I mean the other white unicorn. The one that does fashion.” Medley added. “I had forgotten what had happened between you and uh... what was her name...”
“It doesn't need to be spoken,” Blues stated. “Just refer to her as The Albino. And as for what happened between us... I really don't want to talk about it.”
“Oh come on, I doubt it was that bad.” Medley commented. “Sure, she might seemed a bit out there for thinking that scratching vinyl categorize as a musical talent, but she seems like a nice filly.”
Blues' eyes shifted upward as he began to shake. “AIN'T NO FILLY! AIN'T NO FILLY!” He shouted before slamming his head onto the table.
Medley bat a blink at him before looking at Lyra. “And I thought you had relationship problems. Speaking of which, how are you and Bon-Bon doing anyway?”
“Well... I really wish she would stop getting so much food... She tries to guilt me into eating all of it...” Lyra answered before looking down at Blue's head on the table.
“Still though, besides that, you two love each other right?” Medley asked.
“Honestly... I... I don't know... Sometimes, I think the only reason why I come home is to take care of Noi.” Lyra replied.
“I'm sorry... But is Noi doing alright though?” Medley asked again.
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, she doesn't cry as much about her actual parents... And she doesn't get made fun of for having two mommies.” Lyra responded.
“Well, I guess that's because Ponyville is so accepting. Then again, that one rainbow pegasus in charge of the weather team is a filly fooler, and so is the mayor.” Medley spoke.
“They're not...” Blues groaned, head still on table.
“They aren't?” Medley asked.
“Trust me. I know.” Blues said.
Medley rose her hoof to her chin again, giving a moment to her mind to work the problem out of how Blues would know such a thing. “Well, both of you are blue...” She muttered a portion of her logic-in-process out loud. “But when did you and th-”
“Don't want to talk about it.” Blues interrupted. “And you don't want to know about it. So can we please get back to trying to find a good vocalist?”
“Oh yeah,” Medley replied. “Let's see... I've heard that white purple-mane unicorn sing before. She's really good.”
“Agreed,” Blues stated, finally removing his head from the table. “However, I doubt she'll have enough space on her schedule to dedicate focusing on her singing. She always seems to be working on something.”
“Hm... Then how about the little white unicorn?” Medley asked.
“The musical performance of her and her friends at the school's talent show was horrible.” Lyra replied.
“Although from my conversations with Rarity,” Blues began to spoke.
“Who?” Medley asked.
“The white purple-mane unicorn,” Blues answered. “Her sister is the little white unicorn. When I was talking with her, she had mentioned that her little sister was quite the singer. Although I don't think she's old enough to perform with us, she's a definite possibility for the future.”
“Hm... But then who will be our singer?” Medley asked.
“Um... Excuse me..” Medley saw Blues and Lyra's chins drop when these words were spoken by somepony. Turning around, Medley saw who it was.
“Oh, hi moon princess.” Medley waved her hand at Princess Luna. Blues turned to Medley and allowed his chin to drop even further, mouthing a sentence equally curious and vulgar.
“He...Hello.” Prince Luna responded. “I heard you needed a vocalist.. and well..”
“You can sing?” Medley asked.
“Well... I learned how to during my... my time imprisoned. I also learned how to play the...” Luna shifted her eyes around. “I learned how to play the double bass.”
Blues lifted his chin. “So... one-thousand years of practice with vocals and double bass?” He asked.
“Y-yes...” Luna answered. “There... There was nothing else to do during that time.”
“Nothing?” Lyra asked.
“No... Just a large brown room with all of the Equestrian music books written at the time and a double bass. My sister had no idea that it would've been like that.” Luna answered.
The three normal ponies stared blank.
“There... there were also some other books... But I thought it was important to prioritize on... on... revenge at that point in time, and I thought good musical ability would help...” Luna continued. “But thankfully I was stopped... Although what I learned about music has never really been applied to anything, I would like to apply it to something good.”
Blues was the first to speak, having turned to both of them to whisper, which prompted a short conversation of whispers. “So when's a good time for you to audition?” He asked.
“Any... Any night.” Luna answered.
“Does tomorrow night sound good?” Blues asked.
“It sounds... perfect.”